Intimacy is a willingness to expose our deepest feelings and vulnerabilities. Real intimacy is only possible with the trust that the other person will treat our openness with care. Ultimately, intimacy has to be grounded in an inner strength that knows that even if that trust is betrayed, we will not suffer any permanent damage.
~Osho~
The last two months I experienced the above quote in my own life. I like to be open and to share what is going on inside myself, especially with friends. Normally, I have a healthy amount of trust to do so. But at the beginning of this year my trust got weakened by a difficult experience I had with a friend here in Thailand. I thought we were good friends but she let me know that this was not the case and that even the opposite was true: I was a bad man and she wanted me out of her life.
I was surprised, confused and felt like a victim. I did not understand why she felt like this and there was no way to find out. In stead of following my victim feelings and creating some drama, I respected her choice and stay out of her life.
The last two months, I ‘ve spend most of the time on my own. I went inside, trying to understand why I was suffering. The reason is very simple. My friendship was not completely based on inner strength but on expectations. Expectations I had because of the experiences we shared in the past. Once this was clear, I used the rest of the time to go beyond these expectations and victim-mindstates. Beyond, I discovered this inner strength. It feels like strong life energy running through my body. The mind is very calm and I just enjoy to be with myself. From this space it is easy to accept and love others as they truly are, whatever they may say, changing from moment to moment.
I experience that it is easy to drop out of this inner strength. That’s why I want to develop the connection with the core of my being even more and use it as the foundation for all my friendships (360 and in real life).
I like my Thai friend. She is just herself eventhough it seems sometimes harsh. Just by being how she is, she gave me a great gift. The gift of selfdiscovery. The gift of true friendship.
Your friend,
Ans
Het eerste wat ik vandaag ontving was jouw tekst. Ik dacht eerst nog even weer zo’n misbruik ding van adresboeken, maar iets zei me om het toch te doen. Ik las met veel liefde je teksten en ik draag ze in mijn hart. Het is een grote genade die je te beurt valt om in vrede met jezelf te zijn en jezelf te beminnen zoals je bent. Geliefd door heel veel mensen en zeker door God die ons altijd als eerste bemint zelfs als we nog niet uit het stof geboren zijn. Jezelf beminnen is inderdaad de absolute voorwaarde om een ander te kunnen onthalen en te beminnen om niet. Door in vrede met onszelf te vertoeven ontstaat er een intieme ruimte waar het voor de ander goed is om te vertoeven en bemind te worden. Ook God kan dan bij ons binnenkomen maar daar zijn weinig woorden voor. Er zijn er wel maar enkel voor die die ze verstaan.
Het ga je goed Ans, stap maar naarstig verder.
Mia ( je weel wel die tante van je)